Hospital Financier T-Shirts

"Give it to me straight. I want the truth. How much will all this set me back?"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Hospital Visit

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses