Horology Pillows

Water resistant, shock resistant, change resistant. 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it!'

'Your watch is fine. We set our clocks back an hour just to make you wait.'

"Can that be right?"

"My watch stopped again. I don't know if it's the battery or the Mayan Calendar Function."

'Now, I have to warn you, when grandfather comes over, you're going to notice his facial tick.'

'I've ruined so many watches: Only buy waterproff watches, not water-resistant watches,,,'

'Yes...It's three twenty seven.'

'Your pulse is ok, but your watch is off three seconds.'

'Blast! I knew I should've changed the battery in this watch.'

Watch dog.

Second hand clocks.

"Could you change a battery, please?"

Circadian rhythms adjusted.

"Are you some sort of wind-up merchant??"

"Hands off, Mister."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

So you're a mocking bird...

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

65 Million Years Ago

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'As far as clock watching goes, you take the biscuit.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."