Hopeful Job Hunter Mugs

"No! There are no openings for my job!"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

Lying on your CV

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

'I'm a monarch, but I still pad my resume.'

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

Employment demands

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."