Honesty Advocates Gifts

"No, it's still perjury, we don't make exceptions for 'white lies'."

"I suppose my one weakness is I'm far too forthright, Tubby."

Guest and hostess are honest and rude to one another at a party

'You smell like mothballs.'

Agency Honesty Day: 'I have no idea what I'm doing.'

"Does my bum look big in this?"

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

Redacted Funnies: "Finally, the President blurted out what the country knew all along. . . . . . "

Bleh! What's up, little man? I can't figure out how to start my essay on integrity and honesty. Oh yeah. I once wrote one of those. Excellent. Can I use yours? Honestly?

'Does this outfit make me look fat?'

'I have to be honest with you. I've been taking anti-aging nutrients for years. I'm 93 years old.'

"Overruled."

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

VOTE, 'I'll never lie to you, and this time I mean it!'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help the Google?"

'I always ask that you be frank and let your hair down providing, of course, you ever grow any hair to let down.'

On the scale of 1-10, do you like it?

"We used to do business more transparently, but it was too disturbing."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

Crisis of values

'I appeared to start selling more when I stopped appearing to sell.'

'At least he's honest.'

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

"Let's never forget that the public's desire for transparency has to be balanced by our need for concealment."