Home Technology Gifts

'I can't come out and play. I have to show my owner how to hook up his DVD player. Sometimes it's a curse being a smart breed.'

"See. I told you they have Roomba Rodeos when we're gone."

"Bootsy has welcomed the vacuum robot into our home in her own unique way."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

The Not-So Smart Meter

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

"Two questions: What time are the guests arriving, and do you still want me to slice the pepperoni?"

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

"The toaster is sueing the sandwich maker over custody of the bread..."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

'Ned thinks the inventor of the vibrating easychair should get the Nobel prize for science.'