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Valentines for Real Estate

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

'We'll take it!'

Open House of Horrors

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

House hunting is cruel.

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

'I seem to be on the range but 'home' is proving illusive.'

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

Turtle Home

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

"This looks intersting. Three bedrooms, two and a half scratching posts..."

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

Affordable housing - Mum and Dads.

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

Couple wanting to buy the estate agents office.

Able to Google Stuff Man

'And, as you can see, it is the perfect place to start a big family...'

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

"I'll take anything that connects to the internet."

"Not too big a garden-my wife tires easily!"

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."