Home Restoration Pillows

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'As you can see, this charming old property has been lovingly restored to its original condition of no electricity, and an outside loo.'

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

Let's get organized

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Jack of all trades

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Light Bulb Moment

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Painting by the numbers for adults

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

The Missing Sock Returns

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."