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"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

D.I.Y

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"How did you get him to do housework?"

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

Staycation Photos

"Shall I kiss it better?"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"Norman's building a small Hadron Collider."

'Henry, just break down and buy a power drill.'

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you installed it.'

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

Cordless Drill and Drill Less Cords.

Harry believed in having the right tool for the wrong job.

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

'It's bad enough we missed every deadline, but we're the long-range planning committee!'

"It's a bit of a 'fixer upper'. You just have to chop down the forest, obtain planning permission, and build the house."

"They don't look like the tools you'll need to put the kitchen shelves up with!"

'I don't see how you were able to work for so many years. Since you've retired you can't do a thing.'

"Now he decides to start work on the crazy paving."

"If only Donald Trump knew of your wall-building skills!"

'Don't you hate it when your neighbor gets a new 'lectric drill?'