Home Negotiator T-Shirts

'I flatly refuse to give him fringe benefits before dinner!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Duly noted. Now, shall we move on or does anyone else feel the need to have a conniption?'

'So we're agreed: we'll go to mediation.'

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'What if I promise not to look?'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'Well, since you put it like that, I suppose we could reduce the price of the property slightly.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

The Manager's Wife.

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Bedtime Real Estate Distribution (for dog owners)

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'That's Burt. Some developer made him an offer for his park bench he couldn't refuse.'

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"

'Dickson, how many times do I have to tell you, don't start out with the price!'

Surface Tension

"...and then I'll tell you when I plan to go on holiday."

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

'I thought I'd keep this first meeting friendly, so I've come without my company accountant.'

"Mom said you should empty the dishwasher since I helped her update her phone and computer. It pays to be smart."

"Is that the corporate rate?"

"Can't you just say 'Scarlatti' instead of "Scarlatti, of course'?"