Home Makeover Enthusiast Pillows

"Worst-case scenario? The renovation goes three years and two million dollars over budget, one of you bludgeons me to death with my own hammer, and you both get the electric chair."

"When I said it might sell faster if you put in a new driveway, I meant if you repaved the old one."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

'If you run into trouble, give my brother a call. He's an excellent divorce lawyer.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"I hope you sat me next to someone who wants to hear all about my bathroom renovation."

"Do you think you could give me a hand? The guests will be here any minute."

Your home remodel team: architect, contractor, couples therapist

"Our dream is to live long enough to see the end of our renovation."

'Letting him buy the stupid guns was the only way I'd ever get him to paint the house.'

'No, not disappointed - I think I just hadn't realised the meaning of the term kitchen island.'

'They had a sale on electric green.'

'I just love these granite counters.'

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

Planner at work.

'What paste?' (Husband nailing wallpaper to the wall).

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

'Hello, yes - Decluttering Limited...'

Home Improvement Programme - "I'm afraid your teenage son will have to go."

"I need another can of this."

'Now that my wife has had laser eye surgery, she's insisting we move to someplace with a better view.'

'Maybe it would have been cheaper to just glue money to the wall.'

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"You've burnt the toast? That's it, we need a new kitchen."

"Well, it does make the room look larger."

"This is a great little vase! and now it makes me thing we should redo the living room."

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'Nope... you were right, it does look better in the basement.'

'That was some varnish remover!'

"Great way to change wallpaper. I've put them on rollers."

Lady convincing her husband to have wallpaper instead of plaster.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VII

"Forgive the hole in the wall. I'm having new furniture delivered."