Home Listing Humorist T-Shirts

Mouse real estate!

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'