Home Improvement Junkie Pillows

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

Beaver looking at sticks to make dam - Some Assembly Required

'We can't get enough of these makeover shows.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"Mulch madness"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Bob’s Museum

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Wallpapering with Nails

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"