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'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Dad Trophies

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Tequila Mockingbird

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

Yard Sale

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Guess who's teething?'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'Henry, cut that out.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"The blow drier is broken."

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

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