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"We were sad last year when we couldn't have the whole family over for the holidays, right?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Christmas Tree

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Hi-yah!"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

The prying mantis,

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

The devil you know and his plus one

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.