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if only i could figure out how this thing works

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

STRIP Hambone: Paper work

Useless add-ons.

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

"Their technological toys are nothing compared to the power of the supply side."

"Two questions: What time are the guests arriving, and do you still want me to slice the pepperoni?"

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Bread maker, coffee maker, tea maker, pasta maker.

'Drat - the water purifier is on backwards.'

'Ned thinks the inventor of the vibrating easychair should get the Nobel prize for science.'

'All the money we saved buying bulk food on sale we blew on this huge freezer!'

Man Watches Live Feed of his Aquarium on Television

Swiss Kitchen

How the cords get all tangles up when you're away.

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

"For your birthday, I got you a food processor!"

'Boy, these strips sure make it a lot easier to swat the flies!'

"Relax. I've come for your toaster."

Archeology Exhibit. When sifting through landfills, future archeologists will identify the immediate post-pandemic period by the abundant, discarded bread makers.

"I'll be honest with you, I have no idea what half of this equipment does, but it looks pretty cool, don't you think?"

Girl who has been bought an oversized chatelaine large household items hanging from it

"Look what I found on sale! Measuring cups to use for all your recipes!"

"Jean-Pierre, homemade caviar for table six, please!"

Pop-up toaster.

"It's my selfie stick. But I look a lot more attractive from a distance."

"It's a smart refrigerator that requires a password to open it. They always use one of our names. Their lack of creativity has finally caught up with them."