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'Unfortunately, your satellite dish is interfering with your pacemaker. The good news is: you'll be dreaming in high definition surround sound.'

'Boy, these strips sure make it a lot easier to swat the flies!'

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

Haircuts

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

I have an idea - Let's sit around the campfire and watch scary movies on our iPads!

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

'Hey...remember T.V.?

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"I got a swiss army hook!"

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'

'Mom! This high resolution screen makes it seem like you're really outdoors!'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'This is suppose to be progress.'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

"Isn't there an app for this?"

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

It tells you the time? That's all it does? Well, isn't that just the cutest little thing?

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

'You just couldn't wait to try out the new Jet Ski before we got up to the lake, could you?'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

Having moved to a tablet, the farmer's wife was done with mice. . .

"We've got the same ringtone!" (Two guys opening ring pull drinks cans).

"This isn't Dublin. It's not even Ireland. Repeat after me, dear: 'I'll never buy a second-hand sat nav as a bargain again.'"

Robot surgery.