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The Local Floorist

'Wait a minute, this isn't a wide screen digital television....it's a bloody fish tank!'

An astronaut attempting to fix falling down wallpaper

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

"You're welcome."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

Cat statues on entrance gate

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Posh Easter Egg

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

Pea green