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"No, Ted, there's no way I'm going to put up with you working at home. You're a demolition man!"

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Keyboard in Heaven

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'He's our Spam expert!'

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Bless you!'

"What's for dinner, Madge? I'll be home soon."

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"I keep getting into a flap."

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

New! Cell-U-Lite Tellaphone: 'Hmmm! There's something wrong here!'

'Curses on historical perspective.'

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'