Home Buyers With Humor Pillows

"It might have been smart to inquire about the tides before buying this seaside place"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'Is the fire included?'

A cock up of builders

An exaggeration of estate agents

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"I've just been gazumped!"

Hey! Built-ins! Carpenter Ants: Best-Case Scenario.

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'And this is the sunken living room.'

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

'Due to a slight technical mistake, I sold your house to me for £2.50.'

Catchment Area for Teachers

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

Snail Estate Agents

Shoe for Rent

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

I rhyme today for I feel great cheer. Listen up, people. I am truly moved. The greatest three words a man can hear. You are pre-approved! Hail the bard of the home-loan sonnet.

Hey, I told you not to buy that timeshare.