Home Buyer With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'And this is the sunken living room.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'Is the fire included?'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

A cock up of builders

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Hey! Built-ins! Carpenter Ants: Best-Case Scenario.

"I've just been gazumped!"

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

Catchment Area for Teachers

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

Shoe for Rent

Snail Estate Agents

'Fancy living here with the in-laws until we find a place of our own?'

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

Sign reads - For Sale Still Under A Million.