Home Automation Expert Gifts

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

The Not-So Smart Meter

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"The toaster is sueing the sandwich maker over custody of the bread..."

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."

I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.

"Hold it, Harry. There's a new software update for our toothbrushes."

"I'm all for the internet of things - but I hate pop-up ads."

"Yes, we now have smart mirrors that can read your mood."

"The last vampire who lived in it spared no expense on upgrades. Especially when it comes to the latest technology."

"Yes, our dishwasher is a smart appliance. But, you still have to actually put the dishes in it."

"I swear- the next one of you that beeps at me is gonna be sorry."

"We really need to have our rugs vacuumed professionally one of these days."

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

"This house comes with smart windows. They automatically open when my husband takes his shoes off."

"This smart home doesn't come with a formal dining room. It has an informal dining room, so it will call you by your first names instead of using Mr. or Mrs."