Holistic Living Explorer Pillows

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- King Of The Commune

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

The Farmer Sutra.

Odd Spas

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

Danger Quicksand

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

"I love talking to you about my problems. We should do a podcast."

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

Important balloons, $30.

'Oversensitive Car Alarm'

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

'Please tell me there's more to this than this.'

Clearly, you've been burning the candle at both ends, Mr. Fusco. You have the wick of a man twice your age.

"The latest version of your life is now available to download."

Nowadays when we say 'front yard', we mean it literally.

"What's the right age to tell a child that she's ironic?"

'It's an electronic pipe and heated slippers...he's a thoroughly modern old fart.'

Why aren't you wearing a collar and on a leash? I don't mean to sit in judgment of alternative lifestyles, but personally, I find that a little bit kinky.

'He glued himself to the floor again.'

"A tattoo? You're kidding. It sure looks like a suit."