Holistic Humorists T-Shirts

Tattoo parlour - "Don't you think your dog looks tough enough without a tattoo?"

Ethics exam cheater.

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

Football Chameleon

'Yes, all at once!'

Optimist

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

Ten Commandments

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

The Scottish Lawn

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

Seneca

Cover story: Plant World.

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

"When did this game get started?"

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

Department de Philosophie

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

"It started as an out-of body experience but I forgot the password to get back in."

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

"Money or your beard!"

Giraffe painter.