Holiday Marketing Elf T-Shirts

"It's 1ime we paid attention to effective branding."

"Ho, ho, you're fired."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"Don't even think about it."

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"OK...now they've gone too far! We're barely out of Halloween!"

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

Christmas Chopin

"I'm starting to miss the summer people. It's been weeks since I glowered."

'We're looking for a sales manager that can take our sales momentum, during December and January, and carry it over for the year.'

Christmas escape plan

'Oh I retired a few months back...I'm a promoter now.'

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

Stuffed.

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

"I want to cancel my 3 o'clock and my 4 o'clock, and oh! I want to cancel my 1:30!"

Naughty-ometer.

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

Really? Santa won't stop at your house if you're not asleep on Christmas eve? That sounds like a sort of entrapment to me!

"In many Latin American countries, Columbus Day is celebrated as 'Dia de la Raza.' In The Bahamas, it's called 'Discovery Day.' In Argentina, it's known as 'Day of the Americas.'"

'He knows if you've been good or bad - based on how many friends and followers you have.'

"I'm out! I got a job at another Santa Claus company!"

"Santa's workshopping"

A green man sitting on a beach imagining selling toys online

Father Christmas dishing out money for the retailers

'I've got the children busy finding a solution to the Middle East crisis...'

"You're two weeks behind in making toys. What do you mean you now have to test all chess games first?"

"Unbelievable—Lohri's not even over and already the stores are putting out their Baisakhi stuff."

"Every year I give my grandparents the same thing. . . a list of everything I want for Christmas."

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

"I've learned the secret to a happy holiday season! When relatives come to visit...make sure they think you love the gifts they gave you last year."