Holiday Gathering T-Shirts

"Do you think you could give me a hand? The guests will be here any minute."

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

Elderly couple have nothing left to talk about: 'You've told me that before.'

Party time.

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

'Hey, Pal, hope you don't mind - we're running a little low over here.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

Group hug.

'Toast'

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"I only smoke to be sociable..."

"Dude, don't say it..."

COVID Party

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

"This dinner party's going to a take a but of work."

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

Hey Gus, I've managed to steal crackers and grapes too...

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

Friends don't let friends drink and call the ex.

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"Would you care to join me and my wife - we'd like to try the ten person banquet menu."

At home - 'small and early' - refreshments.

Conversation at a country house

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"God help us, it's that guy."

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

"Let’s try another one. Jerry blinked, Kate’s giving Jon the finger, and Jess is choking."

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"Dig in. It's a medallion-of-veal look-alike."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Sloaney Pony.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."