Holiday Cheer Gifts

'I'm really sorry, but production costs are far lower in Korea!'

'The Christ Child'

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

North Pole.

Santa playing golf.

"And remember. It's quantity, not quality, that counts."

Keep your answers short and in the form of a question.

'Let's give him the 'Nice kid, naughty kid' routine.'

Christmas.

'In order to give children what they want these days, I now have to hire electronic technicians instead of elves.'

'I got thirty Christmas cards today. . .Pity I can't afford to post them.'

'We have to work a lot harder these days to keep the shine.'

Santa: 8 Items or less

He Knows When You're Sleeping

"You not only can't have those things - we're taking back what you got last year!"

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

Reach for the Sky

The consumer protection act requires me to inform you that I have no real power to grant wishes, but am here for entertainment purposes only.

"Sorry, you need to wear a face mask to enter these premises."

"Prosecco-ho-ho?"

'Your father used to like a nice, warm glass of milk while he stayed awake, waiting for Santa, too...'

'That's about as Christmasy as we can get it.'

"I invented trickle down."

"Ever notice how everyone's nice this time of year? Kids behave. Neighbors, friends, relatives - even workers at the office - smile more. The mailman has a friendly wave, folks seem to go out of their way to be nice..."

Happy Movember

'Guys! Check this out - Reindeer Chow in the satellite dish!'

Bah, humbug. As if worrying about pigeon droppings wasn't bad enough.

Noel Fever

Santa's Reindeer: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen....Taser

Santa and advertisements.

'Merry Christmas.'

'Moving Day' for Christmas Presents

About Santa 2017.

Christmas Covid

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.