History Humor Fan Pillows

'I just killed a big gray thing with bumps all over it - how about you folks come over for dinner?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Oh, she's not a witch or anything -- she just served leftover turkey five days in a row.'

A surprise guest

'There goes that bigamist I was telling you about.'

'I'm sorry, we've just opened. We really don't have anything yet!'

"I hate breaking in a new King!"

"At first I thought a full size spare was a good idea, but now..."

"You're on a what?!"

When laundry ruled the waves.

'Yes, all at once!'

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

Early on-line shopping

"Bonk!"

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with prostate!'

The Algonquin Round Table

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

The Enemy

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

'Too cheap to buy me real flowers, huh?'