History Buff Gifts

"It's my smallpox vaccine scar. . ."

"As long as it's woolly I don't ask questions."

Trump is out

"Yes, Jeffrey, it too brave men to settle the West. But it also took a particular kind of courage to stay right here in Darien."

1715: Newton discovers gravel.

'Oh no - a Highwayman!'

"That's the deal for Manhattan. If you have to ask how much for the Hamptons, you can't afford it."

'S**t!'

"Maybe we need a scarier flag."

Pilgrim to Indian: 'We'd like to buy your land. Do you take discover card?'

"I've invented the wheel but I don't want anybody to know about it yet."

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

"Og discovered fire, and Thorak invented the wheel. There's nothing left for us."

Ancient Grammar Police: 'Oh, for cryin' out loud...you never end a sentence with a . . .'

"Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it. Yet those who do study history are doomed to stand by helplessly while everyone else repeats it."

'Just how long do you illegal aliens plan on stayin in our country?'

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

8000BC invention of the printing process.

Founding fathers: "I keep thinking we should include something in the constitution in case the people elect a complete moron."

'In the future, that should produce thousands of PhD theses.'

'Don't be ridiculous, man! Of course there's no 'exit strategy'!'

The Suppressed Paintings of Cavewomen

"Thanks, guys. Looks great!"

"My contractor told me Rome would only take a day."

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

1907: An unfortunate mis-print ruins Baden-Powell's first book launch.

"You just show up here illegally and expect us to tell you about corn?"

M-Day

"The Kitmans in 12-B. Tell them Elijah is here for the Seder."

Cambridge, 1953. Shortly before discovering the structure of DNA, Watson and Crick, depressed by their lack of progress, visit the local pub.

'Interest rates are up. Should that concern us?'

'Oh, don't mind Grandpa - he's just having an acid flashback.'

"Maybe it needs a caption."

'Sorry, I've gotta take this...'

E=mc2 on mountaintop.