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"Why can't you be more like little Hester Prynne? She's getting straight A's."

'Oh, he's not totally belligerent -- we're still not at war with Uruguay, Chad, or Sri Lanka.'

A cowboy sheriff in the old west brings in a bounty to a bounty price scanner.

"Make him one!"

'You're always complaining about not being taken out.'

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Forget about the Holy Grail for now - I want you to look for weapons of mass destruction.'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

Jack in the box on strike.

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'Dropping the Pilot'-the Fall of Bismarck

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

Early attempts at standardising currency.

'Raping and pillaging, Seniors' Tour, 898AD.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

John Bull presenting the building for the 1862 International Exhibition to Britannia

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread!', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

'It says here that later in life they were able to patch things up and became best of friends.'

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

Royalty, Episcopacy, and Law.

Exotic Insects Arrive in England with Imported Fruit

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

'Make sport of the Queen.'

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'