Historical Figure Buffs Gifts

PEZ designs that bombed.

Paul Klee

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"I've come across a rather disturbing find, Carstairs!"

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

The First Fire Stick

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Hildegard von Bingen

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Stephen Spender.

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Sundial Time

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

Lord George brings news of the debate

There were originally four musketeers. He said that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

The Evolution Of Man.

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

"Don't make me pull over this mammoth!"

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

I just made up that part. It should really throw people for a loop if they find this place thousands of years from now!

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'