Hiking Guide T-Shirts

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'C'mon, it's only up to your knees!'

"I kind of regret objecting so strongly to the wind farm they originally had planned."

People respond to their map of reality - NOT reality

'I have to warn you that hills may go up as well as down.'

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

Food sign on the mountain.

'You see, I told you we needed a Satellite-Phone: There's no Mobile coverage around here...'

"Willy here will be our guide, and according to him, this short walk should take about three months..."

"When I meet hikers of a different ethnicity I try to talk to them longer than I have to so everyone can see that I'm not a racist."

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Bob longed to be part of the conversation – but the stupid forest never let him get a word in edgewise.

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"When even the abominable snowman has had enough, its time for us to turn back."

"Since global warming the Abominable Snowman is much less frightening than he used to be."

Mountain rescue: two men carry a mountain on a stretcher.

Large Hand Approaches Around the Side of the Mountain...

Nearest Backache Specialist.

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

Please use next mountain.

Six hikers climb to a narrow peak.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and Rachel took the one less traveled... Huge mistake."

"You realize there’s probably an app for all this?!"

Bitchbark Canoe

"Ahhh... close enough."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

The experienced backpacker.

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."