Higher Education Staff T-Shirts

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Mario Draghi

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Interdisciplinary studies.

Continuing education.

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'I sense we might be having a problem with our appointment scheduling.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

Football team discussions.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

The suggestion box.