High Jump Jokester T-Shirts

Trapped on the Pole Vault.

"Bed Spread"

Cow Blue Arrows

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"The Chairman will be on shortly, I'm just the warm-up guy."

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

How's the writer's block?

"Bobby, you may have worked for a circus but that's not an excuse for playing with your food!"

"I love my job. It's people laughing at me I can't handle."

'Alan, it's the 11th hole, and that Tiger Woods mask isn't intimidating us...'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

Pommel Horse Poops.

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.