High Iq Humorist Pillows

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Schrödinger and his cat

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

The Ladies Who Lurch.

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Jungle Games

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."