High Iq Humorist Pillows

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Schrödinger and his cat

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

The Ladies Who Lurch.

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Jungle Games

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

Champagne at the hunt

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."