Hiding Mugs

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

Coffee! Snacks! Hide from the boss!

Hiding in a cupboard for a few hours helped Tom survive the festive season.

'Aah! I didn't see you come in Mr. Brown - well done! You can start Monday!'

'She'll never look for me here.'

"It was awesome! I was so well camouflaged he didn't see me, but I saw Santa!"

Reading my Critics

Sunbathers.

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

Traffic Cone Monsters

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

Hiding behind dad.

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

'All right, guys, I got it, you forgot about me… didn't you?'

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

Kid's Driving You Crazy?

'I know you're at home, Oog -- I can see your feet!'

'Notice the fluidity of line and the outstanding potential for asset appreciation.'

'That was the most spins I ever saw anyone do!'

Have you seen me?

"Maybe we should nail down the Slip 'N' Slide."

I was going to take a job as a model for camouflage clothing, but I just couldn't see myself doing it.

"I don't know my numbers yet, but I do know the alphabet. So when I get to 'J' I'll come looking for you."

'Let's play school. I'll be the principal and you be the teacher, or you be the principal and I'll be the superintendent.'

Private Phone Calls

"Above the ceiling is plenty of duct space, a perfect hideout for when the in-laws visit."

Excess Baggage: Experienced travelers opt for vacation spots where they're not bothered by timeshare sale pitches.

Room to Let

What we talk about when we talk about the weather

I'm not avoiding you!