Hellish Hosts T-Shirts

"I made a nice zucchini bread."

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"From this you make a living?"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"It's fondue night!"

Hellbillies.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

Special Place in Hell...

"I'm in a shared room?! What kind of hole is this?"

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

I thought this year we'd do soup and salad.

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

Type that up, make ten million copies and then shred them.

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

We should be fine, provided we keep one pitchfork apart.

'I think it's most likely a situational depression.'

Angel Puppet.

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'