Hell Humor Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Vlad the Impala

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"He's a guard dog."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

'Take me to you lieder.'

Malcolm Sargent

"Don't worry your majesty, they can't see you, this is a one way mirror."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"How was prom?"

'Don't worry it's organic...'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

'Why do they call these conventions when everyone here is so unconventional?'

Inaction Figure