Hell-bound Humorists Mugs

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Curse my curiosity and four stomachs!

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

One of Dracula's 'coffin mournings'.

"Well, we got the grant."

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

Transylvanian Snails.

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

Special Place in Hell...

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Born Cynical,,,,

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

"His schlock has gravitas."

'And do we really need scarves for warmth? And what's with the stove top hats?!'

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

Type that up, make ten million copies and then shred them.

"Master Vlad, we must not forget wearing our bib when we go out playing at night."

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

Fishermen catching each other as fish looks on.