Heart Transplant Gifts

'With my new heart I have to worry about cholesterol.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Have you forgotten, dear, that you gave your heart to me in nineteen ninety one?'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Hypocrisy about poverty

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'I've just realised where we went wron...g'

Although early tests show Dr. McWit's hare transplant hides hair loss, and has no dangerous side effects, Ed's not sure he likes the results.

A declaration - man tells a girl that she has stolen his heart.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

"I always wondered who got my transplant."

Cat Burglar.

'Bad news, pastor. The only donation we've gotten so far is a Wurlitzer from the orchestra.'

Anti-immigrant discourse

Heart Health Levels

Safe driver.

"Oh no! You, again?"

"Good news Mr Pondexter! We found a kidney donor."

"Cardiac day patients?"

'Talk about high tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Tele-Heart Delivery to the Hospital.

"I was told you didn't want a pacemaker fitted."

'I have a very stressful job. The doctor said my condition was induced by job related stress. Luckily, the bypass surgery is one of my executive perks.'

'Picked one you like yet?'

"So, when will you start telling us about good vs bad cholesterol?"

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

"It's because she will steal your heart."