Healthcare Maze Navigator Pillows

"Here's the new Healthcare Plan. Let me know if you can figure it out."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'The project is a little behind schedule. It was proactive, now it's retroactive.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'I'd like to come home... if I could.'

'Sir, Ms. Selby is here for your 3:00 meeting.'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

'...And how long have you been having these hallucinations that you're seeing a psychiatrist?'

'It's an S.E.C. approved GPS system...'

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

A psychiatrist is at the end of the maze.

Woman and scales.

Psychological Testing Center.

"Can't find your office, doc?"

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"I have a recurring dream that I have a recurring dream, but I can't remember what it is!"

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

Cowpat Man.

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."