Healthcare Improviser Pillows

'I'm from the temp agency, who are you?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Jazz is Invented

The Hammer

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"I'm starting up a concierge medicine practice. You in?"

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"If you keep perfectly still, I can do all five cavities at once."

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

'That was quick!'

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"Instead of burying it, invest in pharmaceuticals."

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"The whole thing is basically fiction. But I just thought my resume could use some spice."

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"We've been so consolidated the last few years our logo is a mishmash of a bit of everything."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

'Isn't it neat? The doctors rigged it up so Don can still play golf!'

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

'We added on to the couch.'

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.