Healthcare Improviser Pillows

'I'm from the temp agency, who are you?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Jazz is Invented

The Hammer

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

"I'm starting up a concierge medicine practice. You in?"

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"If you keep perfectly still, I can do all five cavities at once."

'That was quick!'

"The whole thing is basically fiction. But I just thought my resume could use some spice."

"Instead of burying it, invest in pharmaceuticals."

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"We've been so consolidated the last few years our logo is a mishmash of a bit of everything."

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

'We added on to the couch.'

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

"I hope you like smoked salmon."