Healthcare Comic Fan Pillows

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

'This one was real stubborn. Had to up his medication three times before he'd agree to sign the liability waver.'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

"That's a pretty powerful reflex you got there."

'What's the problem?'

Specialists who Specialize.

'Don't worry, I've done this operation so many times, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually.'

'Yes, I know I'm wearing dentures, but they're full of cavities.'

Orthopaedist

"Aah yes. Looks like an ingrown toenail and a rather nasty one at that."

'Looks like a virus.'

'Sorry, I'm empty.'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

'I think the patient's medication has a tendency to make him high, doctor!'

'Nurse, I said prick his boil!'

'DO you mind if I do a little exploratory while I'm at it? The last time I operated on you I lost my wrist watch.'

"We're running a little behind, but we'd be happy to have our anesthesiologist put you under for a few hours, until the doctor is ready to see you."

'You have a choice of three levels of laymans terms.'

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Instead of being one of those people who always think they are sick, I always think I need a haircut."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

An allergist sneezing