Healthcare Chuckler T-Shirts

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

'Doctor, I thought I was the one who was supposed to say Ahh.'

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

General Hospital sign.

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

"And then I said 'Don't worry, this is perfectly safe!' Ha, ha!"

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

"Jazz fusion, modern country or my podcast - my podcast it is!"

Surprised doctor looking at man standing behind X-Ray machine with the image saying: SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.