Health Warning Collector Prints

'I'll trade my gangrenous foot for your diseased lung and throat tumour.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Warning: Not giving milk is hazardous to your health.

A polar bear has slipped and is sprawled out on the ice next to a yellow caution sign that features a slipping figure.

Man walks into 'Watch your step' sign.

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

First and last day as census taker...

Caution wet floors. . . Caution DRY ceilings.

"There - now we're environmentally responsible."

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Warning! Contains Salt...

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

Warning: If you are reading this sign, you are about to be brutally attacked by a knife-wielding, psychotic, maniacal, dangerous serial killer who is standing directly behind you.

'You can't say the government isn't trying.'

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

Malcolm realised too late that he didn't have opposable thumbs.

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

'Even hypochondriacs pass away...sooner or later.'

Quick Sand and Slow Sand

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

Spider reads sign on water pipe which says 'You must be this itsy bitsy to climb up this water spout'.

"Yes, our cautiousness may be a bit excessive but we do have the lowest litigation rates in the industry."

'You're fine.'

Beware of dog (bomb vest)

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"The latest car safety data is in, and it's still really really bad to crash into things."