Health Trend Enthusiast Pillows

A woman stops at a building directory sign for Centers for Diseases.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

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"You ever notice that the gluten-free ones have a funny aftertaste?"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

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'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."