Health Report Enthusiast Gifts

Scientists have confirmed that caffeine is either good or bad for you

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

Be Healthy

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Corona Funeral

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'