Health Nut In Denial T-Shirts

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

Tangled facing dog...

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

'I always watch what I eat - right up until it disappears into my mouth.'

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

'How is it health food prices always make me feel sick as a parrot?'

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Man holding container entitled 'Die supplement', with newspaper headline stating 'Vitamin & mineral health risks'.

"I warned you not to mix the vitamin pills." - Vomiting letters of the alphabet.

'Fad Diet regulator'.

'We try to keep it quiet, but the chef slips in a lot of organic and vitamin-enriched food.'

"It's organ-ic!"

"You don't think I'm cheating on my special, low-carb diet, do you?"

"I lost a fortune in the market but I thought I had my health."

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

'They tired to put healthy snacks in the vending machines but the rotting food slows productivity!'

'Cocaine? Thank God - I thought you were doing salt.'

The Un-healthy Supermarket

Bob's system was totally out of whack – but he knew where he could get more.

Breakfast of champions

Why George finds it hard to lose weight.