Health Marketer Prints

Health Foods

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'How fast can you hype?'

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

CATCHY NAME

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

"The Curse of the robot followers: At first, Rob was thrilled with the all the attention and followers."

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

"Which will it be - do we label it '20% free', and raise the price 20%, or label lit '40% free', and raise the price 40%?"

'I think we've done it, Igor! This will be the hot new sports drink of the summer!'

"Remember, you're selling home appliances, so look more ... dishwashery."

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

'You'll find that these really let your feet breathe'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

"I think it's the company logo."

"We should appeal to their greed, without, of course, actually appealing to their greed."

'I'm thinking of having a gastric band fitted to my cigarettes.'

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

"Instead of wasting time naming all the side effects, can't we just say 'stuff might happen'?"