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"How is the halitosis Mr Potter?"

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'I'm only a general practitioner - I'm going to have to bring in a field marshal practitioner.'

'If you want to grow up big and strong, you have to eat your vegetarians.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'