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'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'A health report today warned skeptics, who take everything with a grain of salt, could result in abnormal hypertension. . .'

'It says it's the inner value that count. Unfortunately for you it's true.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'